It has been a time since I have written and posted. It feels good to be here again, though it may be brief as it seems I am drawn in many different directions these past months. This post is special and it wasn't without a swelling of emotion on many levels for many reasons, and in a way it only barely scratches the surface.
As always I hope it evokes some thought and reflection by each reader and that in some way it finds a spot in your heart and soul, to relate to your own experiences and how you see and treat the world and everyone in it.
Destiny –
My daughter Siena is our oldest child and she graduated from High School this class of 2013.
She is our oldest surviving child. I clarify that because we had two other early second term children lost to miscarried pregnancies. Siena was delivered by Caesarian after her mother became weaker with preeclampsia and Siena’s infant heart rate began to drop. Siena was born healthy, strong, and beautiful. She was monitored and in infant ICU only because her mother was fighting her own battle to regain strength and become strong enough to hold and nurse her baby girl.
Siena grew, and sat up, crawled, talked, and walked at early stages according to the various charts and doctor schedules, she was a “good” baby and her parents were proud and loving.
She became a big sister at two years old and was just as curious, loving and helpful as a two year old could be. And her mama needed a helper and big sister that was caring, patient and loving, as this too was a difficult pregnancy, long labor and challenging delivery. Siena’s sister Remi was born strong and healthy as well but needed oxygen and stayed in ICU for a time as mama and baby grew healthier and stronger.
Over the years Siena displayed humor, intelligence, wit, creativity, empathy, caring, devotion, love and we were proud! She often seemed a bit beyond her years in how she perceived and related to situations and various life events. Her daddy worked lots of extra hours and had changing work schedules, her mama was the traditional “stay at home” mother who loved that job and title, but fought postpartum depression and anxiety while raising her daughters.
Siena, the oldest, sure of herself, became a strong reader and grew in her insight and awareness of situations beyond the surface and deeper in context. “Reading” to her began before she was even born and was an on-going event and nightly ritual for years, until daddy began falling asleep reading to her and she began picking up where he left off and reading ahead in the Harry Potter novels at seven or eight years old. I learned this one night when she “woke” me and corrected my last mumbled sentence; “daddy that’s not what it said, I read that part the other night.”
She experienced living in six homes in two states before she turned ten years old. She experienced the grief and loss of a baby brother, stillborn, when she was six years old. She experienced the grief and depression parents and a whole family experience in a significant loss like that, and its impact over the years, and beyond. She saw the news events of 9/11, experienced an intense and unsettling 6.8 magnitude earthquake while living in Seattle, WA, and then moved from her home and developing friendships to a new state and home in Pennsylvania just in time to experience hurricane Isabel. She was stoic and strong, but this presented difficult challenges for a young girl. New state, new home, new school, no extended family or friends, she tried but it wasn’t easy. Then another move, new home, new school but in the same state. Then the death of a grandmother. More challenges and strength gained in lessons learned. Elementary school finished, and moved on to middle school and more challenges and changes, maturing, growing, developing, finding her way, her voice, herself.
Then High School and teen years, and teen relationships, discovery of self and the broader world around her in travel domestic and abroad. Driving and voting. She was excited to vote and to have her vote counted on issues and elections she felt strongly about. Another home move in-state, another change of school; cyber this time, a very difficult choice driven by a complicated and heart wrenching 11th grade year and eventual withdrawal from this Catholic High School in the middle of the last semester. It’s true “children can be so cruel”, but bullying is carried in very institutionalized ways in certain school settings. Their doctrines and principals literally can be the cause of verbal and emotional abuse as institutionalized and accepted teachings. They leave bruises and scars inside. She overcame and Siena adapted to cyber school from home and her first semester achieved Honor Roll grades. At the start of the second semester she experienced the loss of her grandfather and two weeks of class time missed due to travel and funeral services out of state.
Upon her return she was 37 lessons behind and for the remainder of the school year she had to whittle away and get caught up, she had community service hours to complete and her Senior Year project. She went to an additional pottery class nights two days a week, participated in an improv theater troupe, babysat and assisted at a local Farm Camp. And on her last official day of her Senior year she was caught up after a couple “all nighters” and finished with a cumulative GPA of 3.8, Honor Roll.
Eighteen years, nine months, 12 days since her birth and she graduates High School as a strong, intelligent, opinionated, independent, proud, artistic, vibrant, spiritual atheist, and exceptionally beautiful woman, set to discover so much more and to find her way with determination, persistence, love and compassion gained through all her young life experiences to date.
Siena - You are our daughter, you make us proud, I love you, your destiny awaits, your future is yours to create and live. Live it in your way, as you dream it, and be happy in the moments that will make up your life.
XOXOXO
