Ø Stuff from Auctions –
This area of the country has Auctions. There are garage sales, yard sales, flea markets, community craft, collectible and antique sales, “tag” sales, roadside stand sales, Estate Sales, I have even seen “peddlers” with fruit and vegetables loaded neatly in an old truck bed with bushel baskets of items. But I’m talking about Auctions at farms and homes where an Auctioneer hosts and calls the pieces for sale one item and “lot” at a time. There’s generally a main tent area and auctioneer stand, with a table in front where items next up are staged and picked up and shown by various assistants. They and others are spotters that catch the bids, some subtle gestures, some loud annoying bellows, from the crowd.
The folks attending often come with folding chairs, and boxes, some have magnifying glasses and maybe a jewelers loupe, some with a thermos of coffee, some with blankets when it’s cold, umbrellas when it rains, fans when it’s hot. Most are veterans and pros in this Auction game, but too, most are locals, relatives, friends, towns people, not many people from outside the region. Several really know their stuff and have a keen eye from real bargains, true collectibles, valuable jewelry and antiques. Others are savvy buyers for their second hand stores, antique stores and their flea market booths. This last bunch are a curious lot, to me they’re a wee bit odd, they often have one of those creepy older Dodge or Ford Econoline panel vans with no windows except in front and at the rear, with the rear ones usually covered inside by newspaper, or cardboard, or if these folks are top notch; curtains (mismatched, stained, with fruit, flowers or some other odd pattern). These folks are relentless bidders, generally if they are in, they stay in as a matter of pride or just plain stubbornness, but they do have their limit too. They’ll bid an item or tray of things up fast and without a flinch then just stop.
I go mostly for fun and to see what sells for how much. I’ll maybe have something in mind that I’m looking for that works perfectly well “used” than to go buy something new. (My part in the “reuse, recycle” mantra). For instance, I might have a notion to find a brass or similar floor lamp that would look good in a sunroom. So I go to a few auctions and see if they have any. Sometimes they do, and if it’s cool and I like it, I bid until I get it or I feel it’s not a price I want to pay. So in those cases you might go to several saless before you find and then actually get something. An interesting delayed satisfaction thing going on here. And while you’re there at these auctions other random stuff is there and just might catch your eye, not that you really needed or wanted it, or there’s those “trays” or “Lots” of items at times seemingly piled together that become interesting because nobody really knows what is all there but maybe one thing of marginal interest, and as an “odd lot” it’s bidding is low or non-existent. Things can sell for a dollar, often, or if it doesn’t, stuff is added. Like, two hand rakes, a garden spray nozzle and a painted flower pot – no bids, “let’s throw in that bird bath and flag pole” and it goes for a dollar. Or, a random box of various mugs and juice glasses, no bid, “let’s add that tray of kitchen utensils” (and on that tray of odd forks, spoons, knives of stainless steel, meat tenderizing hammer, kitchen thermometer, wooden spoons, is a 1950s Mouli metal hand shredder with four grating/cutting disks, in the original but very badly damage box – this is the item of interest). “who’ll give me five” – nobody – “four, three, then two, OK one dollar” and a hand goes up. “I have a dollar can I get two. I have two now three, yep, four, now five, six, seven in back, eight, nine do I hear ten, I have ten, eleven, now twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, can I get twenty, OK I’ll take sixteen, now seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, I have twenty. See now, we could have skipped all that before and just gone to twenty. Do I have twenty five, I have twenty five, twenty five, do I have twenty six, twenty five now six? Twenty fiiiiiive, now six? Sold for twenty five dollars to number 473. Thanks Jimmy”. All Jimmy wanted was that Mouli, because he saw one sell the other day on EBay for $75.
I enjoyed that Auction, though it did get cold and wet, and I didn't have a chair, or umbrella, or good hat or coat for that matter, because I'm not a Pro, and I wasn't prepared, so I kinda froze my ass off really, but I enjoyed it. So, that day my amateur bidding and keen I got me: two white wicker lounge chairs with new Pottery Barn brand seat cushions for $16, a framed world atlas picture (for my nautical theme basement bar, yeah! ) for a dollar, a pruning lopper and hedge shears for a dollar, a 36” antique framed beveled mirror for, you guessed it, a dollar, a mixed “Lot” of kitchen gadgets for yes, just one dollar - you seeing a trend here, I'm a kind of bottom feeder in thier Aution world. For my dollar, that box “lot” had a neat old handcrank can opener, wooden spoons, a candy thermometer, some ugly old pot holders, a box of colored toothpicks, a “church key” bottle opener, a yucky old rubber spatula, two raggedy looking silver plated (but barely) serving forks, a bookmark, a few magnets, a pill bottle of safety pins, a new in the package toilet brush, and a four disk vintage tin Mouli shredder! I saw it piled with the other stuff and the "new" box was beat to shit, so you had to actually look to see what it was -- no dought "Jimmy" didn't or this Lot would have gon for way more than a buck, and not to me!
So the other day, I’m in the kitchen with my wife and we're making dinner (Mexican, yum!), and I've used my way-cool Mouli to shred cheese, and shred lettuce, and sliver onions, so cool, and I'm stirring chile with one of those neat old wooden spoons. It has a carved and painted zebra on top of the handle, and my wife asks “where did that come from?” and I proudly say “from that $1 box of gadgets from the auction the other week”. “I don’t think that’s a spoon, it’s shaped kinda weird at the bottom” she said. “I think it’s just worn down some, but it doesn’t really scoop and hold anything. More like a . . . I don’t know” I shrugged. “A shoe horn” she said raising an eyebrow with a slight smirk on her face. “No, it’s a spoon or spatula or something. A spoon-ula, or a spatul-oon, or something in between. It was in all that kitchen stuff” I replied with confidence.
“It is a shoe horn! And by the way, also in that “kitchen gadget box” was the toilet brush, dear” came from her mouth matter of factly.
Touche. I am pretty sure she’s right, it is a shoe horn. But it looks cool and it stirred the chile just fine!
So I’m now calling it my “Spatu-loon-horn”, and thinking about a marketing plan and an infomercial for late night TV.
Next big thing I’m tell’n ya, big seller, big seller, just like "the amazing Mouli" !
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