Would you like some Toast?

Toast, not so simple –

You don’t generally give it much thought I expect, Toast. But really there can be a lot to think about with simple Toast. What type of bread? The extent of “toasting” you want – light to dark? What do you put on it or what don’t you put on it? Are you having your Toast to dip it into something? If so, what do you want to dip it into? Do you eat the crust or not eat the crust? How many pieces do you want to have? Do you cut it? If you cut it, how do you cut it? You see what I mean – it’s just not that simple, Toast. I like the word “toast”. It has a nice sound to it for me . . . “toast”. It invokes comfort and warmth, good feelings (but mind you cold, hard or soggy Toast can change my feeling really damned quickly about the Toast as a substance, but not the sound of the word, that always makes me a little happy, “toast”). Try it , just say the word a few times. See, a little happy thought, a wee break of a smile on your mug, eh?

And a little digression here – a “toast” (verb, not noun) given in memory, celebration or cheer of someone or something has a good will emphasis – happiness or adoration. And let’s not get side-tracked by “toast” in the verbal form of the destructive – “my laptop is so toasted”, or that of impairment – “that was a great party, we we’re so toasted” – this one may bring an aching frown or a big smile!

Back to the “Toast” you eat. Comforting, warm, happy-place Toast, and back to the topic of how the Toast thing isn’t a simple choice.

First, the bread choice, Wheat, White, Whole Wheat, Multi-grain, Raisin, Sourdough, Rye –Light or Dark or swirl, Pumpernickel (with Caraway seeds), Sunflower Seed, Flax Seed, and I could go on and on because there a hundreds of “breads”, but those listed above are for the most part the kind of daily consumption breads we get for home use or have choices of when you get Toast at a restaurant. And how many slices are you going to have? Two because your toaster has two slots, four because your toaster has four slots (or two anyway because even though you have a four slot toaster it’s still your choice, or one piece for that matter. If you get four slices at a restaurant do you eat all of them because they came with it, or leave some, or just order the number of slices you want? Lots to think about, no?

Second, the toastie-ness desired. Very light, all the way to very dark, burnt really. And the consistency of the bread at a done-ness level. See, very light and the bread is still soft and pliable, but at a certain point, depending on the bread of course and the toastie-ness level you like, bread gets hard, and that point is in the middle somewhere depending on the bread, because you can have hard toast that is dark, but not crispy black burnt dark. Consider this, have you looked and actually noted the number of “darkness” choices you have on your toaster? Mine has numbers 1-7, but there are hash marks in between, so I have twenty-five selection points! For toastie-ness level ! Two - Five, 25! Really? You can’t choose, it takes trial and error to find that selection point just right for you, and it probably won’t be the same for other users, so you have to remember your spot, or mark the mark with your own personal mark – follow me?

Before we get to step three, I have to ask, is it just me or does everyone “jump”, even just a little bit, when the toast pops up (given of course you use a pop-up kind of toaster and not the toaster oven, just sit there and look pretty toaster. And is a PopTart toasted in a lay there flat not gonna move till you grab it toaster oven really a “pop” tart?). I always get a little startled, a little flinch, even though I’m anticipating the “pop” . Whether I’m looking at it or even looking away, the “pop” makes me twitch, more so if I’m looking at it though,  because then it also has the popping up appearance and not just the popping up sound, like a toast Jack-in-the –box! (may have to do a blog about Jack-in-the –boxes’ someday too – those with clowns finda freak me out).

Third, what do I put on it. Butter (Salted or Unsalted. Whipped or Stick. Low fat – again, REALLY, low fat butter, getthefuckouttahere). Margarine (historical note: 1998 was the 125^th year anniversary for the margarine U.S. Patent), or maybe cream cheese, or yogurt, or peanut butter, or Nutella (I LOVE this stuff – but not on toast, on a crescent roll or tortilla). Some people of course want their toast “dry”, so nothing on it.

Next, what else do you put on it, or not. Jelly, jam, if so what flavor? Marmalade, apple butter, some other fruit spread? Cheese? When does it become a sandwich if you have bread, butter, a fruit spread and something else, like cheese, or ham, or bacon, etc – then it’s a toasted sandwich, right? If you’re going to dip it, say into an eggyolk, or a soup for lunch or dinner, or into a hummus for an appetizer, do you also need to decide to cut it? Cut it corner to corner, in half top to bottom, in quarters, in strips, into cubes to put gravy over it?

So you see, any way you slice it, or not, Toast is not a simple no brainer decision. I’m hungry for Toast, now what to do, hmmmm?